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If you are currently dealing with a traumatic break up or you still have the memory of the loved one so close to your heart you think you might never forget them, these tips may help:

1. Stop any contact with that person.

Stop calling, sending texts or emails. Respect his/her decision.

2. Stop looking for reasons why it ended and of what you could have done better.

The only thing that matters is the fact that the relationship came to its end and it’s time to move on.

3. Stop thinking about what that other person thinks, does, wishes, plans, and feels.

The only person that matters is you. It matters what you think, do, wish, plan and feel.

4. Practice acceptance.

Commit each morning to fully accepting what is happening in the now. Believe there is a reason why this is all happening and trust that it’s for the best.

5. Do not hate or wish anything negative to that person.

Negative feelings are like holding a hot piece of charcoal expecting to be thrown at someone else. Only the person holding it gets hurt.

6. Allow yourself to feel and to grieve.

This was the most important one for me. Do not feel guilty for being sad or wishing things were different. Allow yourself to feel the pain of losing the person you love.

Do not hide your emotions; do not be embarrassed because you are hurting. It’s only worse to respond to a negative feeling (i.e. sadness) with another negative feeling (i.e. guilt). Just let yourself feel for some time.

7. Enjoy the sensation of knowing you did everything you could.

Maybe you fought for that person, or asked for forgiveness. Be confident that in the future you will never regret making the wrong decision and will never think about “what could have happened” because you made an effort.

8. Practice gratitude.

Make a list of everything good going on in your life that you’re grateful for. Include attributes that make you a special and desirable person. Keep adding elements to this list, including all the things we take for granted, such as our health, our education, our families, our friends, and our skills.

9. Embrace positive thinking.

Start each day thinking something positive, something that inspires you. Fill your mind with positive thoughts to counteract the negative ones.

10. Read.

Read self-help books or articles related with this topic. (Don’t be embarrassed—no one needs to know!) Stop watching romantic movies and listening to love songs. Instead, read, read, read! Books can transform your life.

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Even though four months have passed since my break up, I still practice what I have shared with you. It’s not easy and it’s definitely not an automatic change. But the key is to start.

Only you can change how you are feeling. No one else can.

Remind yourself every day that life is good and that eventually the pain will pass. Life is happening right now, and there’s no reason to waste more days feeling sad about the past.

Change your perspective about life, loss, and pain; learn to view everything that happens to you as a positive thing.

You can’t control someone else’s decision, so focus on what you can control: your thoughts, your attitude, and your reaction.

We’ve all dealt with break-ups before. You are not alone on this. Don’t give up hope; give it time!

And remember:

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall” ~Confucius.